A Letter To Ubisoft

Don't get used to it.

Jason Vandenberghe
Creative Director - Red Steel 2
Ubisoft Paris
Austerlitz 2000
173-179 rue du Chevaleret
75646 Paris Cedex 13

Dear Mr. Vanderbeek,

Bon jour from Ohio! I wanted to wish you good luck and God speed on your latest endeavor, creative directoring for the upcoming video game Red Steel 2. Initial impressions look great, and I've already put this game at the top of my list for must-have purchases of the Fall (along with a big pumpkin and a new haircut).

Since I'm such a big fan, I have of course watched the trailer for your new game several times. I love the art style and action, but I have to admit, there's just one problem. I don't know if you've noticed, but the bad guys in your game say a lot of the same phrases over and over again. Specifically, they shout "Come on!", "Get some!" or "You're going to pay for that" on a near constant basis. I know you're probably really busy writing algorithms and what-not, so you probably haven't noticed.

Unfortunately, it's the little things like this that can turn a great game like Donkey Kong Country for the Super Nintendo into a terrible game, like Mortal Kombat for the Sega Genesis. It's just annoying to hear the same thing shouted over and over again. To illustrate, I decided to test my special lady friend by only using those three phrases during dinner tonight. First she told me we were eating spaghetti (again!?), so I shouted, "Come on!" Then she told me that if I didn't like it, I could make my own damn dinner. Naturally, I told her she would pay for that. That's when she got angry and asked if I was trying to start a fight on purpose. Well, you know what happened next....

I told her to "get some."

So now, here I am, relegated to the back of the apartment with no air conditioning while she watches an encore of Jon & Kate's Very Special Divorce Special while eating double chocolate Klondike bars and petting the cats. I like the cats. So please, if it's in your budget, perhaps you could record at least three more phrases for the hundreds of antagonists in your story to shout repeatedly. Maybe something like, "I smell trouble!" or "Is that the best you got?!" If you need anymore help with your game, I'm happy to share my opinion and can be reached at the above address.

Come on,

The Correspondent