Monday, November 17, 2008

A Letter To John Madden

Boom! I wrote a letter to John Madden. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to track down these people's home addresses? I ought to send my resume to the FBI. They can add it to my file.

John Madden
Pleasanton, CA

Dear Mr. Madden,

It's a pleasure to correspond with you, sir. Your work in our country's greatest sport has been well-documented, and it is my great honor to be able to tell you in my own type just how much I've enjoyed your place in football's history.

Normally I'm not the type to just go writing some random letter, but while watching your broadcast last night of the Washington Redskins against the Dallas Cowboys, I noticed something I immediately thought I could help you with. Tony Romo had just pushed the ball out to one of his receivers and you commented that he "made a push-pass, if that's even a word." Al Michaels then suggested that "you just invented it!"

Unfortunately, I have to tell you that you did not invent it. The push-pass is already a fairly common disc throw in the game of Ultimate. You take the disc and, obviously, push it forward with little to no spin on it. It's a knuckleball frisbee, John! It's most often seen after a long huck, when somebody skies their defender to snag the bee only to find themselves a few feet from the goal line. They'll come down with the disc and look off a teammate streaking force-side into the endzone, then no-look a wicked push-pass for the score. It's understandable that you would be unfamiliar with this lingo. Nevertheless, the move is straight dope on a rope.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know. So, what are you doing for Thanksgiving this year? Are you making another Turkducken? A turkducken is pretty sweet, but last year I upped the ante with my delicious Thanksgiving Turdukenigobinail. That's a pig stuffed with a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a quail stuffed with a Robin's egg. It's the bee's knees, John, and a real hit with the fam-damily! This year I was thinking of putting the whole thing inside a buffalo, but I had to nix my plans due to the difficult economy/interstate livestock trading laws. Something for 2010!

Well, I better be hitting the ol' dusty trail. Tell Virginia I said hello, and feel free to write me back with your favorite Thanksgiving recipes. Do you like gravy? Me too!

In Favre We Trust,

The Correspondent


Anonymous said...

You have WAAAAYYYY too much time on your hands.