Thursday, January 22, 2009

I'm back.

Hello, friend. How are you? I took a little leave of absinthe, and I apologize about that. I should have told you. Writing a letter every day is very difficult. Actually, it isn't, but writing a good letter everyday is. I've never considered myself to be a perfectionist, but in thinking about it the last few days I might have a little of it in me. Or perhaps a perfectionist is just someone afraid of failing, I don't know.

Anyway, I have several good letter ideas to work off of, and I'm starting to see a small uptick in responses, even if they are generally banal. I can no longer promise that I will write one everyday, so I'm amending the note to the side, but I will try. If you have any letter ideas, please email me. Email me anyway, but especially if you have letter ideas. Unfortunately, "write to So-and So" is not a letter idea, because it still leaves me figuring out what to write about. I'm still trying to think of a reason to write the Crocs Company.

I wonder how long it will take me to build back the site hits? I had it up to 300-400 a day, you know. One day I even got to 800. I'm afraid to look at the stats now, but it's all good. I just like having fun and making people laugh, and I'm sure at least one of you will show up every day.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

you need to suggest crocs that are really just back to being regular shoes

The Correspondent said...

Now, I like that.

Patrick said...

And here I thought you were so flooded with letter requests that you just deleted my crocs idea without much thought.

I'll try harder next time.

tom said...

I just noticed the other day that I have 6, yes, 6 bottles of windshield washer fluid in my garage, each with about 14 ounces left in them. Why won't GM build a car with a full gallon capacity for the washer fluid? Then, when I run out, I could just dump the entire bottle in at the gas station, and toss the empty in the trash there. Instead, I have a little splash left over, and that goes home with me, and sits in my garage next to its nearly depleted brethren. Maybe they should sell washer fluid by the amounts that actually exist in the car's tank.

Also, why do hot dogs come in packs of 10 when the buns come in packs of 8? I'm not going to eat 40 hot dogs to reconcile the disparity within the shelf life of the buns.

I think one encompassing letter could be carbon copied to four authorities in charge of the above issues...

JRT said...

Correspondent:

If you can design and describe a Crocs winter boot, I can see both comedy gold and a good response.

Anonymous said...

glad to have you back. you were missed. always good for a laugh . . .

Anonymous said...

Fyi, I just filled the wiper fluid on my wife's Toyota, and it took the full gallon. That was first time I have ever used a full container, and it happened within minutes of my reading the above post.

As for letter ideas (although I am of the opinion that you do a better job coming up with your own ideas) here are a few random suggestions:

1. Write one to Nancy Grace and say that your girlfriend complains that you are obsessed with the Caylee Anthony case (e.g. redecorating your apartment to match the Anthony home...). See if she thinks that one can actually be obsessed with such a case.

2. For the Crocs theme, I would suggest a full line of crocs: heels, pumps, hiking boots, running shoes...

3. A letter to the creator of Sponge Bob arguing that the character of Patrick is clearly a rip off of Charlie Weis, with side by side comparisons.

4. A letter to PETA offering more humane ways to obtain animal fur through a capture, shave and release program, or the like.

Finally, if one of your letters could somehow help me by having all commercial producers eliminate the ringing of doorbells from their commercials, it would be appreciated. I do not know if their primary intent is to have my dog bark at my front door at all hours of the night, but that seems to be the result.

Chaz-tastic said...

So I wrote a letter to Dr. Daniel Kies http://papyr.com/hypertextbooks/grammar/, who is a grammar expert, about a grammatical issue I had been having and he never wrote me back. I was hoping maybe YOU could write him, because you're such a big name and all. Then he'd be sure to respond! Anyway, I was wondering why the plural of attorney general is attorneys general, but the possessive is attorney general's. So confusing.