Monday, January 12, 2009

A Letter to The Columbus Dispatch

I wanted to practice writing a press release. And what's the point of writing something if you don't intend for it to be published?

P.S. Damnit, I hate when I do that! You RSS feed people just won this round...

Attn: Alan Miller, News Managing Editor
The Columbus Dispatch
34 S 3rd Street
Columbus, OH 43215

Columbus, OH - The Correspondent, of somewhere in Columbus, has finally perfected his Creamy Potato Soup recipe, rendering the purchase of Campbell's soup and all of its competitors completely unecessary. The breakthrough came late last week after several attempts to make the best cold-day comfort food possible.

The Correspondent, a 25-year old writer and bandy-man, began his research months ago utilizing a plethora of internet recipes and taking the best parts from each one to create the supreme soup. He starts by boiling cubed Russet potatoes in salted water. "Salting the water is key," The Correspondent said. "The name of the soup game is 'flavor', and it pays off to start your seasoning right off the bat."

As the potatoes cook, The Correspondent then dices a bunch of green onions and two cloves of garlic. On special occasions, he will then forgo butter to pan fry a quarter pound of bacon in a cast iron skillet, then use the bacon grease to saute the onions and garlic.

"The bacon grease tastes like bacon, which means the onions will taste like bacon, which means the soup will taste like bacon. Bacon is awesome."

Once the onions are glistening, The Correspondent strains the potatoes and adds them to the skillet, to "add a good char" to the soup's components. He seasons them with more salt and pepper, including a few other seasonings such as onion powder and cajun spices. Then, with a few cups of chicken broth at a rolling boil, it all gets dumped into the pot.

"The key to great potato soup is to attain an 85/15 ratio of mushed potato to firm potato cubes. The soup is supposed to be thick and creamy, but a few potato chunks are a good thing. Texture is the dark-haired, exotic mistress of any good chef."

Once the soup is simmering, the only thing left is a few glugs of whole cream and a jigger or two of The Correspondent's secret ingredient, which he says "takes this soup from so-so to 'whoa, whoa, who made this awesome soup? I bet he's a really great guy and good at sports.'"

If you're interested in trying this amazing soup, you unfortunately don't have a lot of options. You can try to contact The Correspondent at his Columbus home, but he'll only respond with the recipe as time allows. You can also try inviting yourself over, but his apartment is small and there isn't a lot of dining space. Please bring a chair.

Mr. Miller - if you have any follow up questions or need additional information, please contact me at the above address.