A Letter To Lionsgate Studios

Another good letter idea, this time from irishamish. Also, the new Franz Ferdinand album is pretty good, you should check it out. It's more techno and dancy than the first two, though, which I don't enjoy as much.

Attn: CEO
2700 Colorado Avenue
Santa Monica, CA 90404

Dear Mr. Executive,

Hello, to sunny California! It's currently 10 degrees in Ohio, with about four inches of ice and another six of slushy snow on top of that. But, on the other hand, my tax refund isn't being withheld this year. Other than that I hope you are doing well, sir!

I watch a fair amount of television, so the past few weeks I've noticed your commercials for the new movie "My Bloody Valentine 3D", about a group of sexy teenagers that anger a miner and cause him to throw pick-axes at them. The sexy movie audience always jumps out of their seats at this point, because the movie is in 3D and the axe flies out of the movie screen. It's so exciting! Still, it has been brought to my attention that not only is your title misleading and incorrect, it's also a missed marketing opportunity. Because, Mr. Lion, your movie isn't in 3D at all!

Are you ready?

It's in 4D!

You see, you guys are forgetting the temporal dimension. Haven't you seen Lost? This is one of the most important dimensions, with a set of rules that only very important people can break. Besides, think of the ad campaign you can do with four dimensions. "Other movies can only promise three dimensions, but Lionsgate Entertainment is proud to bring you "The Care Bears 4D, in temporal vision!" People will line up in droves to see this new movies. Of course, they might notice if we don't give them something special. I recommend Elizabeth Shue.

This reminds me, did you ever play Rad Racer for the Nintendo Entertainment System? We owned it, and if you pressed the select button the screen would turn into these pyschedelic colors that were supposed to make the game 3D, if you had glasses. I spent a lot of years wondering about that, until I finally got some cheap 3D glasses and tried it out. Nothing happened! Not that it would matter, you can't get past the third stage in that game. Who races in the desert anyway? Of course there are no gas stations out there!

Well, let me know what you think of my new advertising angle. I could come up with all sorts of great ideas like this, if you paid me. My moving expenses wouldn't be that much, either. I bet if you gave me money for a plane ticket I'd just pocket it and drive my car. What do you care how I get there! I just saved myself a hundred bucks!

Always thinking,

The Correspondent