Tuesday, February 10, 2009

A Letter to Virginia Eaton

I think we all feel the same way about that Pillsbury reply. I don't like being mean, but Virginia's non-reply has to be called out!

Virginia Eaton
Consumer Services
P.O. Box 9452
Minneapolis, MN 55440

Dear Virginia,

I received your letter responding to my dilemma over the Pillsbury Doughboy, and I just wanted to let you know that it wasn't helpful at all. In your letter you specifically said to "please let us know if we can be of further help." I'm not sure I can technically ask you for further help, though, because that would imply that you rendered any help to begin with.

If you don't recall, my original letter was a lament that my young niece saw one of your commercials and demanded to know why the Doughboy was laughing while his dough-brethren were systemactically burned alive by the mother baking cookies for her daughter. She became convinced that the Doughboy was the judge and executioner of all criminals in Doughland.

Unfortunately, your form letter describing the marketing history behind the Doughboy did little to alleviate her grief. Perhaps if she was an advertising executive, and not a scared little girl, she would have found the backstory interesting and helpful. As it is, I was wondering if you could spare a little more than your previous 46 words to explain why the Doughboy would be so happy watching his fellow pieces of dough get baked and eaten.

Perhaps the Doughboy is the only piece of a dough with a soul? Or maybe, like Pinocchio, the sould of the Doughboy is really human, therefore he has no attachment to dough in and of itself. Either one of these explanations (or a new one you make up) should be sufficient in calming my neice down. Not only does she continue to avoid cookies, but she's moved on to muffins and biscuits. I fear she will soon realize the pivotal role that flour plays in all these baked goods and just declare herself completely gluten-free. Do you know how much more expensive soybean flour is?!

Thank you for any more time you can lend to my situation. Just imagine, if you rekindle my neice's love of baked goods, she could go on to be a world famous pastry chef! Maybe she'll even make your daughter's wedding cake some day. You don't want to ruin your daughter's wedding, do you?

Warm Regards,

The Correspondent


Anonymous said...

There's a saying is southwest Ohio:
I'd rather date a girl from Eaton than eat a girl from Dayton.

alexlexi264 said...

Dear My42Cents, I believe you did not read the response carefully enough. The Doughboy that watched “his fellow pieces of dough get baked and eaten” is not actually made of Dough. The third JPG file shows that the Pillsbury Doughboy was actually made from plaster and foam rubber. If reading between the lines, you should understand that the Doughboy should have no problem killing “fellow” dough. He is not technically made of dough himself. (Your niece is right though. We should stand up for the mass genocide of dough, by showing the world the true colors of the Doughboy. America went to War against Hitler, why shouldn’t America stop the Doughboy).