A Christmas Letter

I think everyone has my Christmas letter by now who is likely to get one, so this does no harm. I also think it's a lot easier to post something that's already written than it is to write something new. Cop out? Or cop in? Think about it.

To: Immediate family and close friends
Lots of places, USA

Dear Gentle Reader,

Hello, loved one! It’s been a long year, and we’ve sure missed you. You and your family are so special to us, that we decided to write a personalized Christmas letter just for you. Hey, remember Uncle Choppy, and his wonka wonka dance? Oh, my, what cherished times! I hope you and “little” pookers are doing great. Haha, she/he really hates that nickname, but we just keep calling him/her that anyway!

Anywho, 2008 has been a banner year for us. Lady Friend finished up her second year of vet school and is now entrenched in the third. She can already spay and neuter dogs and cats. A friend of a friend’s mom used to neuter country cats out on their farm growing up. He said people would drop them off and she’d do it right on the kitchen table (that’s what she said). Lady Friend isn’t quite that cavalier, but it’s important to note that many of her surgeries thus far have been illegal in the eyes of Ohio law. What a badass!

I spent the summer coaching Ultimate in Columbus’ summer league, where I took a scrawny bunch of underachievers and turned them into a well-oiled winning machine. Many in Columbus were at first angry at my style, cornering me at our local barber shop to warn me that “zone defense is the only thing that’s worked in the past, and it’s the only thing that will work this year.” I did it my way, though, taking us all the way to the tournament where we beat South Bend Central and their bench of street-tough African Americans.

The summer also took Lady Friend and me to Florida, where we enjoyed a week at Siesta Key on the Gulf Coast. Since we’re not married we slept in separate twin beds, just like in The Dick Van Dyke Show. The beach was great, and the house was amazing. We liked it so much that we’re thinking of buying a place down there with our Christmas money this year.

It’s been a lonely apartment ever since Fran (Lady Friend's sister) moved away to Atlanta, so we replaced her with a new kitten in September. Like Fran, Izzie sometimes sleeps in the closet and is good about cleaning herself. Unlike Fran, Izzie can fetch small objects and win our heartfelt love. It’s been a lot of fun, and our older cat Rona couldn’t be happier. The two of them are inseparable, sometimes a little too inseparable. We need to be careful, because as Jurassic Park taught us, nature will find a way.

Other random highlights of the year include Lady Friend fixing her car’s brakes, The Correspondent getting a well-fitting pair of jeans and the two us discovering the Manager’s Special section of the meat counter at Kroger’s. I don’t know what 2009 holds, but it’s safe to say that if Notre Dame doesn’t win more football games I’m going to hunt each and every one of you down and strangle you with my own patience, which by now has been whittled down to a razor-sharp thread.

So Merry Christmas from Lady Friend and The Correspondent, and we hope that you have a blessed New Year! Gooooo Irish!

With Feelings,

The Correspondent & Lady Friend