Thursday, December 11, 2008

A Letter to My Face Twin

I got caught up at a meeting tonight but I wanted to get a letter out. I'll look up his full address tomorrow.

Ronnie Benson
NYU Theatre Dept.
New York, NY

Dear Mr. Benson,

Hello to you and the Big Apple! I hate New York City. I've never been there, but I hate the people there. They all think the world revolves around them and they have stupid little conservations about what the best midtown burger is, or how you can't go below 52nd Avenue or how only ugly people eat dinner before nine o'clock. I hope you're not one of those people, but I have a feeling you aren't. And I derive that feeling, my friend, from the fact that you and I are face twins.

When I was a younger man, in secondary school, old people began telling me I looked just like Robbie Benson. I always smiled and said "I hear that a lot," before taking away the sample tray of chocolate-covered peanuts because they were never going to buy anything (I worked in the mall). I forgot about it as time went by, but today I was again reminded of our purported similarity, so I hopped onto the internet and Google searched your image. It's unbelievable! We are a dead ringer. This isn't just like when fat girls say they look like Roseanne, either, you and me really are face twins.

Stranger still was when I dug a little deeper. Your birthday is January 21st? My birthday is January 20th! You had a small heart valve defect that needed surgery? I've always thought I have mitral valve prolapse! I sometimes have pain when I breathe, but my dad just thinks it's "life pains." Hey, do you have a small cross-shaped mole on your inner pelvis? Ever tell girls it just appeared there on your sixteenth birthday?

I'm really glad we've met. Have you heard of our other face twins? Turns out there's a guy on ESPN named Mike Greenberg that kind of looks like us. Also, that kid from That Seventies Show. We should start a newsletter. Maybe a twitter feed. I read that you wrote a play. Perhaps you could draw some inspiration from your face twins. It could be one of those gritty dramas where separate characters' lives intersect randomly one fateful day. Or maybe it's a life story. I'll play the mid-20s Jack Qaragon (you like? It's just taragon with a Q), Greenberg can play the 40-year old version and you can play however old you are. I'm assuming it's up there, since all those old people knew who you were.

Ok, sir, that's most of what I wanted to say here. Please let me know what you think and we can get the ball rolling. Where is it rolling? We don't know. That's theatre (theater?).


The Correspondent


Anonymous said...

Ronnie Benson?

Anonymous said...

....I said, Ronnie Benson?

The Correspondent said...

Yes, Ronnie Benson. You can google search him to see what I look like. Then steal my identity and start buying vacation homes.