Friday, February 13, 2009

A Letter to Lorne Michaels

Have a great weekend.

Lorne Michaels
c/o Broadway Video
1619 Broadway
New York City, NY 10019

Dear Mr. Lorne,

How are you? I just want to first say that I have long enjoyed your career and the entertainment you have provided to thousands and thousands of late night television viewers. I can't imagine keeping something like Saturday Night Live going for over 30 years! The staggering burnout must be incredible. How do you keep up the energy? One time I went to the drugstore and saw some of that Five-Hour Energy drink, but right above it was Six-Hour Energy, and on top of the shelf was Seven-Hour Energy. I thought, "They should make a taller shelf."

Still, I think we can both agree that your writers don't always hit the mark. Sometimes the skits just aren't that funny. It's not your fault! Nobody is perfect all the time, which is why you need help along the way. Well, sir, consider me your cavalry!

Listen to this one. I was going down the stairs in a building the other day and noticed a sign on the door that said "Tornado Shelter Downstairs." Inspiration! What if you had a bunch of people running to a tornado shelter, and when they opened the door there were a bunch of cages with little tornados inside? Plus, there are families walking around with little kids shouting, "Ooo, Daddy, he's so cute! I want that one!" Or even better, it's a family of trailer homes. Creative costuming on line 1!

I have a ton of these skit ideas. What about a late-night radio show called "Pillow Talk with Rob and Darlene," set in the bedroom of a Midwestern couple? They have headphones on and radio mics hanging in front of them, and they quibble back and forth about headaches and not being in the mood. Also, maybe there's a moose that guest hosts.

I think it's been a great 30 years, but in order to make it to 40 you'll need fresh writers and new ideas. Mull it over and then write me back if you'd like to get lunch sometime (please, no seafood). Also, while I've got your ear, what's the deal with Chevy Chase?

From the desk of,

The Correspondent


Unknown said...

Well done sir!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, tornado shelter - I love it.

Kelley Cook said...

For some reason I was thinking of Michael Landon and couldn't recall him ever being on Saturday Night Live. However maybe this idea should be pitched to his estate too.

A tornado shelter would have been perfect on the Little House on the Prairie set

Tom said...

I hope Lorne Michaels responds to you, because if he doesn't he should be put on trial. For allowing Jimmy Fallon to host Late Night.

ErikandRileysmom said...

Why don't you have a funny show anymore? There are MANY talented actors out there that can do a great job. Amy Poehler & Tina Fey and that ignoramous, Will Ferrell came from somewhere!
PLEASE!! Make it stop, it is NOT working anymore, at all!